dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
