i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
