i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
