....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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