I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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