First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
