I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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