my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
