I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
