I didn't shave. On purpose
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
