omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
