Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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