ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
