I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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