I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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