The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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