Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
