he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
