I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
