Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
