I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
