I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She's just so happy...and so naked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
