My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
