I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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