i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
