Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
