Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize