No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
