All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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