Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize