It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
