Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
