So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
