what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
