I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize