***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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