Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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