Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
