i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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