I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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