My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
