Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
