Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
