I wish you could order shots online.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
