Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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