turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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