He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize