just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
