i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
