What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
