I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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