Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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