Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
