If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
