its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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