For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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