got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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