No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
