The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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