I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
