i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
