Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
