By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
