I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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