How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
