scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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