So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
