nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
