My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
