you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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