can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
