Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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