gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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