She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Mom said you looked used
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
